


Sephiroth Week 2020

by Imaginative_Spirit



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Character Study, Drabble Collection, Established Relationship, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Sephiroth (Compilation of FFVII) Needs A Hug, Sephiroth Appreciation Week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27164224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imaginative_Spirit/pseuds/Imaginative_Spirit
Summary: Snapshots of Sephiroth, through the lens of himself and those who love him.
Relationships: Angeal Hewley/Sephiroth, Genesis Rhapsodos/Sephiroth, Sephiroth/Cloud Strife, Zack Fair/Angeal Hewley/Genesis Rhapsodos/Sephiroth/Cloud Strife, Zack Fair/Sephiroth
Comments: 50
Kudos: 193
Collections: Sephiroth Appreciation Week - Yearly Event





	1. Specimen

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my little drabble collection for Sephiroth Week 2020! I decided to try out writing AGSZC for the first time and I hope I did okay! I did artwork for each and every chapter as well, which can be found on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ethereal_savior/status/1319777992374210560) and on my [tumblr](https://imaginative-spirit.tumblr.com/tagged/sephirothweek)!
> 
> I don't think there should be any content that would require a warning in these drabbles, other than Sephiroth being his usual disastrous self, I suppose! ;D

Sephiroth rarely understood what other people saw in him. It was a topic that stubbornly made itself known in his thoughts whenever he was trying to fall asleep, always bringing with it a frustrating sense of helplessness.

With the Company, it was one thing. He understood why the President wanted him around. He was good at his job. He always finished his missions quickly and efficiently, and he was by far the strongest person in all of SOLDIER. He was useful. That was the reason Shinra kept him around. It was because of his abilities, his talents, his unrivalled skill.

Personal affairs were another matter entirely. Sephiroth wasn’t a people person. While his schooling had been extensive, leaving him with a lot of knowledge on a variety of topics, he had never been taught how to interact with other people. Social conventions were a complete mystery to him. He’d figured out a long time ago that this had been on purpose; Shinra didn’t want him to be a social butterfly. They wanted him to be a weapon who followed orders perfectly.

It made sense, of course. For most of his life, he’d been nothing but a lab specimen. Actually, he still was. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he’d learned to be human. He tried so very hard to distance himself from the child – the specimen – he had once been, but the truth was that he’d just gotten a little bit better at pretending. When he looked in the mirror, he could only see that child. That specimen. Still trapped in the same chains that had forged him. Small, pathetic, weak and afraid. Not human. Something else. Something terrible.

But for _them_ , he tried. He acted aloof, but truthfully, he just didn’t dare to ask for their attention. He didn’t want to be clingy. Didn’t want to be a bother. Surely, they were just putting up with him because they pitied him. Pitied poor lonely Sephiroth, trying so hard to be human. The way Genesis and Angeal could reminisce about their shared childhood, the way Zack and Cloud would chatter about anything and everything… Sephiroth felt like he had no place here. He wanted so badly to take part in conversations, but it always felt so stilted. Awkward. He never knew what to say. So most of the time, he settled for his quiet persona, observing them but never quite participating.

Every time they touched him, he couldn’t help but wonder why. He knew that people perceived him as attractive – though he truthfully never understood why; in his own opinion he just looked strange, inhuman – but that wasn’t a sufficient explanation. Sure, it explained why they eagerly took him to bed, but it didn’t explain the constant casual affection. He never knew what to do, when somebody touched him like that, with no particular reason or end goal in mind. Every little touch like that left him starving for more, yet he found himself unable to reciprocate. He would freeze up, struck by something very much like fear.

Hojo had told him too many times to count that nobody could ever love somebody like him. Hammered it into his head until it stuck. Even though Sephiroth knew by now not to listen to Hojo, it felt like the truth. The first time they’d told him that they loved him, he’d panicked. He still hadn’t been able to say it back. They said it to each other all the time. Said it to _him_ all the time. And every time they did, something inside Sephiroth _ached._

They couldn’t see that side of him. Somehow, he’d managed to hide it so well that they’d never noticed. He wondered what would happen if they’d find out that he’d been lying to them. He knew that they all looked up to him as a hero and leader. It wasn’t how he wanted to be perceived, but he still preferred it to them knowing the truth. He’d rather take their false worship than their pity. Perhaps it was selfish of him, but he refused to allow the status quo to change. He’d rather feel somewhat distant from them than not have them at all.

Sometimes, his façade nearly slipped. In moments when all five of them were together, it was easier to distance himself, since he didn’t have anyone’s full attention. He was rarely alone with any of them, since more often than not, they tended to be attached at the hip in a variety of combinations. But there were times when, while all five of them were together, he’d accidentally slip up and say something about his childhood in the labs, or just generally misunderstand something that was supposed to be common knowledge and suddenly all attention would be on him. In those moments, it was so very hard to keep a straight face.

He wasn’t that child any longer; he was an independent adult who didn’t need to rely on others to survive. So why did these childish emotions still linger? They would offer comfort, tell him they loved him, and he would take it all in greedily, as if it could ever fill the void inside him. Perhaps he could never truly escape his roots, no matter how much effort he put in. Maybe he would just have to accept this as fact. Maybe he would just have to acknowledge that they wanted him around regardless, for some unfathomable reason.

Specimen or human, it honestly didn’t really matter in the end. Sephiroth just wanted to be _theirs._


	2. Lost

The moment Angeal had first met Sephiroth, his protective instincts had kicked into high gear. Whereas Genesis had immediately resorted to hero worship and, when that didn’t work, an aggressive approach, Angeal saw right through Sephiroth’s emotionless exterior. This was a person who kept nothing on his sleeve, but that didn’t mean that there was nothing deeper down. He wanted to know more.

Genesis seemed to have decided on the same thing, except that his way of making contact was to constantly pester Sephiroth into sparring sessions. Somehow, against Angeal’s expectations, Sephiroth turned out to be very susceptible to that. But while beating the shit out of each other every weekend may have been fun, Angeal thought that it’d be nice to get to know Sephiroth in a more relaxed environment.

So, he started inviting Sephiroth over to have dinner with him and Genesis. The change was immediately noticeable the moment Sephiroth stepped into Angeal’s apartment. He didn’t look cool and confident the way he did in a fight. He gazed around the apartment with wide eyes, moving around skittishly, looking… uncertain. Lost. If Angeal hadn’t already been so determined to look after him, that would’ve been the moment he caved.

Over time, Angeal noticed how oddly Sephiroth reacted to the smallest, most normal things. He always wore a distant expression on his face, as if he wasn’t quite part of this reality. Jokes and references seemed to be an enigma to him. And then there was the touching. Even at the most casual touch, Sephiroth would flinch, and Angeal would quickly withdraw his hand… but Sephiroth gazed at him longingly for minutes afterwards, whenever he thought Angeal wasn’t looking. Angeal noticed he did the same thing if Genesis touched him.

They fell into cohabitation so naturally. Sephiroth never really officially moved in, but he began to spend the night on their living room couch, more and more frequently. Genesis was basically already living in Angeal’s apartment full-time – his own was across the hall and used mainly as storage space – but Angeal didn’t mind an extra person. Sephiroth was, in many ways, the ideal roommate. He always cleaned up after himself, always helped with making dinner and doing the dishes, and just generally never made a fuss.

“It’s almost like having a second boyfriend”, Genesis offhandedly remarked one evening while they were eating dinner. Sephiroth didn’t say anything, but Angeal saw the way he tensed up. The way that sad, lost expression drifted across his face briefly, before he managed to hide it once again.

“I think he wishes he _was_ our boyfriend”, Angeal whispered to Genesis that night in bed. Sephiroth was in the living room, sleeping on the couch, but with his enhanced hearing, it was probably best to be quiet anyway.

“You could ask him to come join us in bed, dear”, Genesis replied, clearly already half-asleep. “It’s big enough for three.”

“You wouldn’t mind?” Angeal asked. Genesis cracked an eye open and smiled. Somehow, they didn’t need to say a single word to know what the other was thinking. Clearly, they’d been heading towards this for a while.

“Go on”, Genesis murmured. “Don’t keep him waiting.”

When Angeal went out into the living room, he didn’t find Sephiroth trying to sleep on the couch, but instead pressed against the window, staring wistfully out over the Midgar cityscape. Sephiroth looked tired, but then again, he always did. He gazed towards Angeal with a bleary expression.

“Hey”, Angeal said, suddenly at a loss for words. “You look tired. Do you wanna come to bed?” He’d hoped that Sephiroth would catch on, but quickly realised that he shouldn’t expect that from Sephiroth. He had to step in front of Sephiroth to prevent him from going back to the couch. “That’s not what I was asking.”

Sephiroth said nothing. Simply stared at Angeal, exhausted, confused, yet somehow hopeful all the same. Carefully, as not to spook him, Angeal stepped closer and reached his hand out to touch the nape of Sephiroth’s neck. Sephiroth froze, but as Angeal began to comb his hair, he slowly began to relax. He stepped closer. Braced himself against Angeal’s chest, hiding his face behind his bangs, clearly struggling to maintain his composure.

“Genesis and I would like you to join us in bed, Sephiroth”, Angeal said. He used his other hand to gently cup Sephiroth’s cheek, tilting Sephiroth’s head up so that he could look Sephiroth in the eye. Sephiroth watched him unblinkingly, still looking so terribly lost.

“You do?” Sephiroth asked, so quietly, so hesitantly. Angeal leant in and pressed their foreheads together. Felt Sephiroth exhale as tension bled out of him.

“We do. We want you there with us”, he murmured, pulling back just a bit so that he could see how the lost expression in Sephiroth’s eyes started to fade. Angeal wanted to kiss him, but decided that he didn’t want to be too forward. Instead, he simply planted a kiss on Sephiroth’s cheek, relishing in the way Sephiroth’s façade cracked as the barest hints of a smile made its way onto his face.

“In that case, I…” Sephiroth paused, clearly having a hard time finding words. His fingers curled into Angeal’s shirt. “…I suppose I would like to take you up on your offer.” His smile, despite being very small, somehow still reached his eyes.

That smile didn’t leave his eyes for the rest of the night, and when Angeal woke up the next morning with Genesis pressed against his back and Sephiroth curled against his chest, he knew that they’d made the right decision.


	3. Uniforms

Genesis had always liked how Sephiroth looked in his uniform. He liked it so much, in fact, that he’d requested to have his own custom-made coat modelled after Sephiroth’s when he became a 1st. Actually, that wasn’t quite accurate, either; he hadn’t so much requested it as he had pestered the higher-ups about it until they finally just gave him one to get him to shut up. Genesis took pride in his unique uniform. No matter how much Angeal and Zack teased him for ripping Sephiroth off, Genesis enjoyed wearing it. The flashy colour made him stand out, and he’d always enjoyed standing out.

Sephiroth, on the other hand, seemed to hold no such feelings for his own iconic outfit. Genesis hadn’t thought much of it at first, but Sephiroth always looked so _uncomfortable_ in it. For the longest time Genesis had assumed that it was just his default expression, but over time he’d begun to notice how much more relaxed Sephiroth appeared when he wasn’t in uniform. Sephiroth was never the most expressive person, but he looked just a bit less tense at home, when wearing whatever he’d managed to grab from his closet that day that wasn’t the uniform.

“So is there a reason you don’t like wearing your uniform?” Genesis asked one day when they were coming back to the Shinra building after a routine monster slaying mission in the slums.

“What do you mean?” Sephiroth retorted. Genesis didn’t fail to notice the sharp tone in his voice that he tended to save for questions he didn’t want to answer. He also seemed to save it for Genesis in particular. Genesis had never heard him use that tone with, say, Angeal or Zack.

“I mean… it looks so good on you. But you always look like you wish you weren’t wearing it.”

Sephiroth didn’t reply. Simply stared straight forward as he stepped into the elevator, not seeming to care whether Genesis followed him or not. Genesis, of course, followed, while slowly giving in to a familiar frustration that could only be caused by Sephiroth.

“Fine, just give me the cold shoulder”, he grumbled. Still no response.

He wished at least one of the others were here. Things were always tense, when it was just him and Sephiroth. Sephiroth played nice with the others. So peaceful around Angeal, relaxed around Zack, and surprisingly soft with their recent blond little addition to the group. Genesis wondered why Sephiroth never gave him the same treatment. He always turned sharp when he was alone with Genesis. 

“You know, sometimes I wonder if you even like me”, Genesis declared. Admittedly, Genesis knew that he should probably take partial blame for it. Neither of them were easy to get along with. They fuelled that side of each other.

“Of course I do!” _That_ finally earned him a response. Sephiroth even appeared offended by his statement! Now wasn’t that something?

“Then why don’t you ever talk to me?” Genesis asked and stepped closer, taking the opportunity to drape his arms over Sephiroth’s shoulders.

“Do I not give you enough attention?” Sephiroth retorted and placed his hands on Genesis’s hips. “What would you require of me? Perhaps I need to recite Loveless for you more often?” Genesis couldn’t resist fondling Sephiroth’s bare chest, and unfortunately got nothing but a frown in return. “Not here. There are cameras.”

“I was actually just asking to have a normal conversation”, Genesis said.

“You don’t exactly make it easy for me”, Sephiroth said. “Sometimes… I feel like you don’t really understand me.”

“Oh.” That… changed the mood instantly. Genesis, for once, found himself at a loss of words. “…Well, I can’t really understand you if you never even try to explain yourself.”

At that, Sephiroth was quiet. They were still standing close together, and Genesis found himself hesitant to move at all, in case that would change something about this unusually vulnerable situation they found themselves in.

“This uniform represents being a hero”, Sephiroth finally confessed. “I… am a weapon. Not a hero. I feel… wrong, in this outfit.”

Genesis had to take a deep breath. He wasn’t going to show his anger. Not in front of Sephiroth, not over something like this. Sephiroth would take it personally and might never dare to open up again.

“But darling, you are a hero”, he whispered. He grabbed Sephiroth’s chin and pulled him in for a feather-light kiss. “Angeal thinks you’re one of the most honourable men he knows. Zack admires you so very much. Cloud practically worships you.” He pressed another kiss to Sephiroth’s lips, and hesitated for a moment. For all he berated Sephiroth, he wasn’t very good at honesty either. “So do I.”

“Genesis…” Sephiroth breathed. Genesis kissed him again, and again, until the tense expression faded from his face.

“You’re very dear to us, darling. Don’t forget that. You’re our hero”, Genesis said softly. Sephiroth managed a smile. Genesis smirked and couldn’t resist teasing a bit, to hopefully ease them back into something easy, more familiar. Honesty was hard work. “Our hero in a very sexy uniform.”

“Yours suits you better”, Sephiroth purred, starting to smirk in return. “Red looks so good on you.” He toyed with the collar on Genesis’s sweater as the elevator came to a halt.

“The others should be home by now”, Genesis murmured. “Maybe they’ll want to help me get you out of that uniform.”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that”, Sephiroth replied slowly, eyes going dark and smirk widening. “As long as they get you out of yours, as well.”

At least they were always on the same page when it came to this.


	4. Free Day

Sephiroth was tired. No, that was an understatement. He was _exhausted_. He’d been deployed on a mission to Mideel to track a monster gone rogue and hadn’t eaten or slept for three days. The squadron he’d been given to command had been hopelessly incompetent and once they’d finally found the target, Sephiroth had gotten himself drenched in monster blood that refused to come off. And then, when he’d finally gotten back to Midgar, Heidegger had yelled at him because he’d decided that it was Sephiroth’s fault that the mission had been such a disaster. Usually, Sephiroth would have put up a fight, but today he was so drained of energy that he’d just shut down and let Heidegger scream himself hoarse.

Even thinking felt too exhausting at this point. He stumbled into the apartment basically on autopilot, not aware enough of anything he was doing except the fact that he was going to bed, right now.

“Oh my _god_.” Suddenly, Zack was there, all up in his face, startling him. “Seph, are you okay?!”

“Darling, you look _terrible_. What happened?” And Genesis, too. They were crowding around him. They were being too loud. He couldn’t take it. He just wanted to be alone. He felt as terrible as Genesis thought he looked.

“Going to bed”, he managed, slipping past them only to walk straight into Angeal, who seemed to have materialised in his path.

“Not while looking like that. You’re going to get the whole bed dirty.” Angeal’s voice was stern, but not without affection. “You need a shower.”

“Too tired”, Sephiroth said. The mere thought of having to wash the filth out of his hair felt entirely overwhelming. He couldn’t. Wouldn’t.

“A bath, then”, Genesis said. “We’ll help. You won’t need to do anything, all right?” He was already unbuckling Sephiroth’s belts. Sephiroth wanted to protest, but found he just couldn’t muster up the energy to argue.

“I’ll get the bath running!” Zack declared louder than was necessary and bolted away.

“Cloud, would you heat up something for Sephiroth to eat once he’s done with his bath?” Angeal asked. Sephiroth hadn’t even noticed that Cloud was there until now; he’d been watching everyone else crowd around Sephiroth from a distance, and quickly took the opportunity to slink into the kitchen the moment Angeal told him what to do.

“Let us take care of you, Sephiroth”, someone murmured, he wasn’t sure who.

Sephiroth wasn’t really sure what happened after that. One moment, Genesis was undressing him, and the next, Angeal was carrying him towards the bathroom. Normally, Sephiroth would never have allowed himself to be carried anywhere, but he was tired. So tired. Weapons weren’t supposed to get tired. He was such a terrible excuse for one…

The moment Angeal lowered him down into the bathtub, Sephiroth’s brain grinded to a halt. It felt too overwhelming to process anything except the warmth and lovely scent of the water. At some point, Genesis joined him in the bathtub and began rubbing shampoo into his hair while Zack held his hand, running fingers over his knuckles while murmuring soft nothings to him. Sephiroth tilted his head closer to Genesis to allow him better access to his hair. It felt… so good, he felt so–

He’d thought he’d only blinked, but suddenly he wasn’t in the bathroom anymore. He was sitting on the living room couch, wrapped up in a warm blanket, leaning against Angeal for support while Cloud was seated on his other side, holding a bowl of steaming soup in his hands.

“C’mon, Sephiroth.” His voice was soft, hesitant, as it always was when addressing Sephiroth. “You need to eat.”

Sephiroth had never been any good at telling Cloud no. He allowed Cloud to spoon-feed him for this reason, though his stomach was admittedly very grateful as well. He spotted Genesis on Angeal’s other side and Zack on Cloud’s, squeezing them all together onto the couch with him in the middle. They were all looking at him. Pitying him. He couldn’t stand the attention, never could.

Sephiroth’s gaze drifted over to the TV because he noticed that it happened to be on, and somehow, despite the fact that his brain was barely even operating, came to a realisation that made him feel a lump in his stomach. They’d been watching a movie. They’d left it on pause. There was still a bowl of popcorn on the table. They’d been having a good time together, and he’d ruined it by marching in so unceremoniously.

“I’m sorry”, he whispered, feeling so terribly guilty, all of a sudden.

“What for?” Zack asked. Sephiroth tried to respond, but found his throat clogged up. He didn’t get it. Why did they care so much?

“You’re not a burden, Sephiroth”, Angeal said. As if he could read Sephiroth’s mind. “We love you. We want to take care of you.” He pulled Sephiroth close against his chest and held him tight. Sephiroth felt… warm. Safe. Loved. He wrapped his arms around Angeal in return and tried to remember how to breathe. His eyes were burning.

“Oh, darling…” Genesis whispered, so softly that it made Sephiroth shiver. “We need to get you to bed.”

Sephiroth was too tired to resist when Angeal scooped him up and carried him to the bedroom, but at this point, he would be content simply to make it to bed, no matter how he got there.

He’d wanted to be left alone all along, until the moment Angeal laid him down on the bed and everyone else gathered around to look at him. Suddenly, Sephiroth was filled with a deep-seated _need_ for attention. He wanted to be held. Wanted all four of them here, with him. It was such a childish desire that he instantly felt ashamed for even thinking it. Angeal slowly pulled away from him, and without thinking, Sephiroth jerked an arm out and caught Angeal’s wrist with a shaky hand.

“Stay”, he exclaimed. “Please.” Normally, he would never have pleaded, but somehow, it had just slipped out. Shame pooled in his stomach. But Angeal’s expression softened.

“Of course. We’re not going anywhere.”

“As if you could ever be rid of us”, Genesis said, slipping straight into bed and to Sephiroth’s side. He pressed his lips briefly against Sephiroth’s, offering him a warm smile. Sephiroth managed to smile back.

“I’d never pass up on an opportunity to cuddle with you, Seph!” Zack dropped down on Sephiroth’s other side, wrapping his arms around Sephiroth’s waist and pressing a wet, warm kiss to Sephiroth’s neck. It felt… nice. Sephiroth let out a sigh of relief. “You’re usually so reluctant to let us be nice to you! I swear, one of these days I’m gonna–”

“Zack”, Angeal said as he squeezed into bed next to Genesis. “Give it a rest, will you? Let Sephiroth get some sleep, now.” He reached a hand out to run his fingers through Sephiroth’s hair. “There you go… Relax. We’re here with you.” Sephiroth closed his eyes. It felt good. _He_ felt good.

“C’mon, Cloud!” Zack said. “You too!”

“Oh. Right”, came Cloud’s timid voice, and then a small weight crawled on top of him and settled there. Sephiroth wrapped an arm around Cloud to keep him in place. All four of them were here now. Good. Perfect.

As he drifted off to sleep, no more guilt and shame haunted him. Perhaps he was simply too tired to be aware of anything but the warm bodies of the people he loved most wrapped around him. Maybe he would feel differently once he’d slept, but at least right now, in this moment, he knew that he was right where he belonged.


	5. Addiction

Zack wasn’t sure how to process all of this. Sephiroth, curled up in bed, shaking, panting, caught in the throes of a nightmare, while Angeal was trying to explain what was going on.

“…Mako addiction. Hojo will sometimes deprive him of Mako for prolonged periods of time, just to see what kind of symptoms it results in. He’s gonna need a Mako-enhanced person to stay in close physical proximity to satiate what his body craves. Genesis and I usually do it, but the President has called for us, and–”

“I can’t help either?” Cloud was asking, sounding disgruntled.

“Unfortunately not”, Genesis replied. “He would probably just end up hurting you by accident, and…”

Zack couldn’t listen. Sephiroth was hurting, and he could do something to help. He didn’t hesitate for a moment. He took his shirt and pants off, left them haphazardly on the floor and climbed into bed. He slipped under the blankets and watched Sephiroth draw in heavy breaths.

“Hey, Seph”, he whispered and reached out to touch Sephiroth’s cheek. He didn’t want to be too forward, not yet, since Sephiroth tended to react unpleasantly to unexpected touches. But this time, Sephiroth just leant into the touch, as if he wanted more. Maybe he really could feel the Mako in Zack’s veins. Zack allowed himself to shift closer and pulled Sephiroth against him, upon which Sephiroth immediately nestled as close as he could, pressing his face against Zack’s neck and letting out a relieved sigh.

Zack heard as the bedroom door closed, indicating that the others had left. He was too focused on Sephiroth to really care, though. Poor thing. Zack didn’t know all the details about Sephiroth’s relationship with Hojo and the Science Department – Angeal and Genesis had let some things slip but a lot of it was still a mystery – but this really made him angry on Sephiroth’s behalf. Why would anyone want to reduce such a wonderful man into this shivering mess curled up in his arms?

They lay there for quite a while. Zack held Sephiroth close and tried to ignore the pit in his stomach that he became more aware of every time Sephiroth made a small, pained noise. He wished he could do more to help.

“…Zack…?” Sephiroth’s voice was so quiet and hoarse that Zack nearly didn’t recognise it at first.

“Oh. You’re awake!” Zack shifted back a bit so that he could see Sephiroth’s face. Sephiroth looked absolutely miserable, barely able to keep his eyes open, lips twisted into a frown. “How are you feeling?”

“…Bad”, Sephiroth murmured.

“Do you need a drink or something?” Zack asked. Sephiroth shook his head and shifted closer to Zack, pressing his head into the crook of Zack’s neck again.

“Need you”, he whispered. “Feels better… when you’re here.” It was the sort of thing Sephiroth would never have admitted under normal circumstances, and Zack couldn’t help being ecstatic about it. For a moment, he could pretend that Sephiroth’s withdrawal symptoms were just a desperate need to be touched; something Zack could happily indulge in.

“You’re so cute when you actually say stuff like that!” he declared and squeezed Sephiroth tight.

“ _You’re_ cute”, Sephiroth muttered.

“Damn right I am!” Zack retorted. “And you can’t be that unwell if you’re this eager to banter with me, mister!”

“Just trying to distract myself”, Sephiroth whispered. “…It hurts.”

“Does it help when I touch you?” Zack asked, immediately feeling guilty for implying that Sephiroth wasn’t in pain. The fact that Sephiroth was even willing to admit to it in the first place had to mean that it was really bad.

“Yes”, Sephiroth confirmed. “My body craves Mako, and you…”

“Angeal explained already. Don’t push yourself, okay?” Zack said gently, but couldn’t resist a jab. “Dude, I can’t believe you only want me for my body.”

“Your body doesn’t talk”, Sephiroth grumbled.

“Whatever do you mean? I always let my body do the talking!” Zack said, as a thought crossed his mind. “Hey. If my body’s full of Mako, and you need some of it to deal with the withdrawal… maybe we should…”

“…Pervert.”

“Hey, I didn’t even get to finish!”

“And you’re not going to, at this rate.”

“Sorry, I’ll shut up now…” It was so hard to resist making these comments, sometimes. Zack hoped that he wasn’t being too annoying. “I didn’t mean to be a bother.”

“You’re not”, Sephiroth murmured and nuzzled Zack’s neck. “I love you.”

Now _that_ was also unusual, coming from Sephiroth. Immediately, Zack’s heart felt warm and all was good with the world.

“Aww, Seph. I love you too!” he replied and squeezed Sephiroth even tighter. A good thing about having Mako-enhanced boyfriends was that they could handle his tight hugs. He hoped Cloud would be able to get his soon too so that they’d all be on the same level… but then again, the fact that this could happen if you went without your regular Mako injections was concerning to say the least. “Seph?”

“Mm?”

“Is this… something that could happen to any of us?” Zack asked. “Like, if they suddenly decided to stop giving us Mako injections. Would we get sick?”

“No one has as much Mako in their blood as I do”, Sephiroth mumbled. “Chances are you would feel unwell… but not to this extent.” He sighed, clinging to Zack even harder. “I never chose this”, he said quietly. “I wish I was normal.” Yet another admission he’d never let slip, if he was well.

Zack wasn’t sure what to say, so he just stroked Sephiroth’s back until Sephiroth slipped back into unconsciousness. Even then, he lay awake, pondering Mako addiction, SOLDIER, and if there was anything else that Shinra wasn’t telling them.


	6. Otherworldly

Cloud was always a bit nervous around the 1sts. Yes, even though they were his boyfriends now. They were all just… too cool and amazing and wonderful. He’d been putting them all on a pedestal before he got to know them, and it was hard to shake even now. They were all perfect, and in the middle of it, there Cloud was. Small and insignificant.

Sephiroth in particular was on the highest pedestal of all. To be completely honest, Cloud didn’t even perceive him as human. He was just too otherworldly, with his cat’s eyes and silver hair which were apparently natural and not a publicity stunt, and he had this cool demeanour that just made him seem completely untouchable. He was vulnerable with the others, sometimes, but Cloud always felt like there was some sort of wall between him and Sephiroth that wasn’t there between the other people in their group.

One evening, Cloud headed up to the roof of the Shinra building. It had the most gorgeous view in all of Midgar and he liked coming up there to gather his thoughts, and since it was only open to Shinra employees and not to the public, people rarely came there at night.

He hadn’t expected to find Sephiroth already there, sitting on the railing and dangling his legs off the edge.

“S-sir”, Cloud stuttered, before he remembered himself. “I mean, um, Sephiroth!” Gods, he’d just accidentally called his boyfriend sir. He was going to die from embarrassment. Sephiroth turned his head back to look at Cloud, face twisted into a displeased frown until their gazes met. Instantly, Sephiroth seemed to soften.

“Cloud. Won’t you join me?”

Cloud would never have dared say no to that request, even if he’d wanted to. He scurried up to Sephiroth and climbed onto the railing to sit next to him. Sephiroth was quiet. Too quiet. Cloud hated that he was being made to take the lead in the conversation.

“So… what are you doing here?” he asked. Rarely, if ever, had Cloud been alone with Sephiroth. It felt awkward. Weird. He shouldn’t be feeling like this around someone he was dating.

“I like watching the stars”, Sephiroth said. “Not that you can see many in Midgar. Even so, I just… like imagining what’s out there.”

“I didn’t know you were interested in space”, Cloud said. To be honest, he knew very little about Sephiroth. He was quiet, stoic, really good at fighting, had a lot of baggage that he refused to talk about, and… what else? That quiet stoicism made it hard to know Sephiroth. Maybe that was why Cloud had a hard time seeing beyond his otherworldly appearance.

“When I was a child… I wasn’t allowed outside”, Sephiroth replied. He wasn’t looking at Cloud. He was still staring up at the sky. “The first time I saw the stars, I… could hardly believe my eyes. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.”

“How old were you?” Cloud asked, almost afraid to know the answer.

“I don’t know”, Sephiroth said. “I don’t know how old I am. They never told me.”

“Oh”, Cloud said, wishing he hadn’t asked. “Um, I’m… sorry?” He winced. Cloud, you idiot. Just change the subject into something less heavy.

“Not your fault”, Sephiroth said. “Watching the sky is… comforting for me. It reminds me that there’s so much more to this world than this tiny, terrible planet.” There was longing in his eyes. Normally, it was the sort of statement that would’ve made Cloud view Sephiroth even more as someone above humanity, but…

“I used to do that too, back in Nibelheim”, he admitted. “I was… really lonely, back then, and it felt nice to imagine that somewhere, someone just like me was looking up at the same sky.”

“Are you still lonely, Cloud?” Sephiroth asked. Cloud loved the way Sephiroth said his name. So softly, so reverently. It sent chills down his spine, every time.

“Not anymore”, Cloud replied and offered Sephiroth a smile. “I’ve got you guys, after all.” He didn’t bring up how inferior he always felt around them. It wasn’t an answer to the question, after all. He might’ve felt unworthy, but he wouldn’t say that he felt lonely.

“I see…” Sephiroth said. Too quietly. Still not looking at Cloud.

“Are _you_ lonely, Sephiroth?” Cloud asked. He wasn’t sure where the courage to ask came from. Sephiroth lowered his head. Hid his face behind his bangs. Such a human gesture.

“I know I shouldn’t be”, he murmured. “I have all of you, but…” He trailed off, shook his head, and sighed. “I don’t know. I suppose… the thought of not being lonely is so foreign to me that I have a hard time adjusting.”

Cloud wanted to hug him. But he also didn’t want to fall off the railing. So he settled for reaching out to grab Sephiroth’s hand, squeezing it as tight as he could. Sephiroth didn’t squeeze back, but he curled his fingers around Cloud’s hand, nonetheless. He finally turned to look at Cloud again, expression oddly raw, lips curling into a barely noticeable smile. There may not have been any stars in the sky, but Cloud could see stars in Sephiroth’s eyes.

Years later, after he’d gone through hell and back and lost many things that were dear to him, Cloud would look back at that night and remember it as the only time he’d ever truly believed that Sephiroth – beautiful, terrible, otherworldly Sephiroth – was human.


	7. Rebirth

So many years had passed.

Sephiroth had been drifting through the Lifestream for longer than he cared to keep track of. Generations and eons passed like brief moments. He hadn’t been able to feel Cloud in a long time. Without a memory to tie him to the living world, it was impossible for Sephiroth to escape back into physical reality, but neither could he dissolve into the Lifestream. He was simply… trapped, here, like this. Honestly, it was peaceful. He didn’t mind. He was tired of fighting. Tired of chasing Mother’s dream.

But then, suddenly, there was a tug. Sephiroth ignored it. He didn’t want to. Didn’t want to go back into a world that had no place for him, didn’t want to fight to the death, just wanted to rest forever and ever. But the tug became more persistent, and as Sephiroth cracked an eye open, he could see… silhouettes. Silhouettes of four people, all reaching for him. Without thinking, he reached back.

He was pulled out of the Lifestream into the physical world more violently than he ever had been before. It made his head spin, and landing very unceremoniously on a wooden floor didn’t make it better.

“Holy shit, it worked! It really worked!” a far too familiar voice echoed from above him. “Guys, did you see that?”

“Would’ve been pretty hard not to, Zack”, came a dry response. Sephiroth’s head perked up. That was Cloud. Cloud was standing before him, in this room which looked like someone’s attic, dressed awfully casual in nothing but a t-shirt and pants, peering down at him suspiciously. Really not dressed for a fight. Wait. Cloud was supposed to be long gone. Sephiroth couldn’t feel him anymore. Even now as he tried to reach out with his mind, he felt nothing there.

“Whoa, Seph”, Zack – Zack, of all people, in the flesh – said, crouching down and helping Sephiroth sit up. “Breathe. We’re here. You’re okay now. You’re okay.” Sephiroth hadn’t realised he wasn’t breathing right. He gulped down some air, hoping it’d help.

“How…” He tried to find words. Found that he couldn’t. He couldn’t feel Cloud. Couldn’t feel anything. He pulled away from Zack, not knowing how to process any of this.

“So we were all reincarnated, right?” Zack launched into an explanation. “But we remembered nothing of our previous lives at first, but then me and Cloud bumped into each other one day and everything came rushing back! And then we met Genesis and Angeal, and that was pretty fuckin’ awesome, and…”

“Zack.” Yet another familiar voice… Sephiroth turned his head around and found Angeal approaching. Angeal… Looking friendly as always… “Don’t overwhelm him, okay?” He also crouched down next to Sephiroth on the floor. “Hey.”

“Hey”, Sephiroth repeated, bewildered, glancing around the room frantically trying to find the missing member of the group. He found Genesis sitting in an armchair in a corner, looking utterly smug.

“Told you it’d work!” he declared proudly.

“Sorry for not taking all your weird ideas at face value”, Cloud muttered. No Jenova cells, Sephiroth’s brain supplied. If Cloud had been reincarnated, his body shouldn’t have them. That was the reason Sephiroth couldn’t feel him. It ached, not to feel him. Like a piece was missing.

“We called you back, Sephiroth!” Genesis said and stood up, approaching the rest of the group and joining the others on the floor. “Cloud told us about how you’d used his memories of you to pull yourself back into the realm of the living several times before, so we just… Well, how do you put it…”

“We made a prayer circle and thought about you really hard until you came back!” Zack exclaimed. “And now you’re here!” He beamed so enthusiastically. He was so full of life. They all were. They looked so happy. Even Cloud, despite the grouchy expression he was giving Sephiroth, somehow seemed livelier.

“Why?” Sephiroth whispered. If they were living such happy lives now, why had they called him back? Him, who was nothing but a shadowy remnant of the lives they’d led a long time ago? He was going to make them miserable.

“What do you mean, why?” Genesis questioned.

“Sephiroth, we missed you so much”, Angeal said. “It just didn’t feel right without you.” The expression on his face didn’t look like a lie. His hands were reaching out but Sephiroth flinched away from them. He suddenly realised that his entire body was trembling, flight-or-fight instincts going off at nothing.

They’d missed him. Genesis, Angeal, Zack… they’d missed him. Yet Sephiroth hadn’t given them a second thought for too long to count. His mind had been focused on Cloud, Cloud and nothing but Cloud for so long, and even then, it hadn’t actually been Cloud the person, but Cloud the tool, the toy, the puppet.

“I…” His voice was as shaky as the rest of him, and his throat hurt, unused to speaking. He swallowed, hating how Genesis, Angeal and Zack were crowding around him, looking so concerned. “I… missed you… too.” It felt so shameful to confess to such a thing, yet the way they all lit up at his words was… comforting. But still, he couldn’t understand. Why were they so happy to see him when he’d caused them so much pain?

“I’m so sorry for everything, Sephiroth”, Genesis said. “I hurt you terribly. I understand if you don’t want to forgive me.” Wait, what?

“We should never have abandoned you like that”, Angeal said. This didn’t make any sense.

“I know it might seem like it’s too little, too late, but we’re here now, if you’ll let us!” Zack said and was too quick to grab hold of Sephiroth’s shoulders for Sephiroth to be able to pull away this time. “You won’t have to suffer alone ever again.”

What was he supposed to say? They wanted him back and for some reason _they_ were the ones apologising, as if he hadn’t tried to burn the world to the ground in his fury, as if-

“Sephiroth.” Cloud finally joined them on the floor, still looking very serious but not unkind. Not hateful. Nothing at all like the Cloud he had grown used to. “I’m guessing that you’re tired of fighting too.”

This was incomprehensible. Why were they being so nice to him? He didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve anything. Regardless, Sephiroth nodded, because it was true. He’d been fighting for so long. He was so tired. He didn’t want to do this anymore.

“Oh, darling”, Genesis murmured. “You’re home now. You can put the past behind you. Don’t you worry about a thing. Everything will be all right.”

Something inside Sephiroth’s chest was unfurling. He couldn’t stop shaking. It was an unfamiliar feeling, and it hurt. _He_ hurt. He was home. His mind kept trying to process it, but his heart just couldn’t believe it. He’d thought he’d never see them again. That they could never forgive him, even if he did.

Surprisingly, Cloud was the first one to move in real close, practically shoving Zack aside to wrap his arms around Sephiroth. Oh. _Oh._ Sephiroth forgot how to breathe. Cloud was so warm. Felt so _right_ against him. And then the other three joined in as well, surrounding him from all directions, wrapping him up in their arms and finally, _finally_ his heart truly accepted that this was real. This was home.

They huddled together around him on the floor until he stopped shaking, and if anyone noticed the wet stains on Cloud’s shirt where Sephiroth had pressed his head down against his shoulder, they chose not to say anything at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated <3


End file.
